losing you

I didn't want to face
losing you...
even though I understood
that nothing lasts
forever.
I didn't want to wake
up one day to find
that you were gone,
out of my life
forever.
I didn't want to stop
hearing your laugh
or seeing you smile
that sweet
crooked smile.
I didn't want to stop
talking to you
and hearing your
reply...
how I miss your advice.
I never thought
about how lonely
my life would be
without you...
until you were gone.
No matter how
long it's been...
I can still hear
your voice,
even though I won't
ever again.
Memories play
like movies in my mind.
The time we spent
together.
I cherish every minute
I took for granted then.
How I wish I could go back.
I knew that it would
happen. I knew that you would go.
I just didn't
want to face it.
I told myself, that I would be okay.
I told myself
you were in a better place.
It would have been
selfish to make you stay.
You were in pain
I know.
I'm sorry for all the things
I did, or didn't do
that made you cry
or lost you sleep at night.
I'm sorry
for when I couldn't be
or wouldn't be
what you needed from me.
I'm sorry, that I never
got to say goodbye.
I was consumed
with the darkness inside
and couldn't shed a tear
even when you died.

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