Waiting



I wait for all this pain to pass,
see through as a peice of glass.
More pain inside than I can feel
I’m going numb, this isn’t real.

Heartbeat pounding in my ears
Throat choking back the healing tears.
People tell me “It’s okay,
“We know why you feel this way!”

Head explodes with fear and doubt
I want to scream, I want to shout.
But I just sit there quietly,
the only sign a trembling knee.

 Doctors come and doctors go.
Nurses wander to and fro.
They send a priest to help me pray.
I wish that he'd just go away.

 In a wee small voice, I hear her say:
“Will we be going home today?”

Bad thoughts buzz inside my head
Telling me she’ll soon be dead.
Wish I could be there in her place.
Meet this cancer face to face--
tell it “Don’t you take my girl.
“My angel child, my precious pearl.”

Doctor’s tell me: “This is good
“She’s getting better like she should
though she never will be 'cured'"
I do not believe a word.

Have they seen her before today?
Once chubby cheeks wither away.
Too long has she been lying here
and I can’t wash away her fear.

A rash covers her head and face.
abundant as the holes in lace.

What did she do, what has she done?
Her, brighter than the morning sun.
She’s not the one that it should be -
lying there, it should be me.
I’m the one whose sins abound
and in my heart can guilt be found.
She has not sin or treachery
Her heart is pure, her soul is free.

Don’t understand why this is so
she is so young, she does not know.
She asks me “mommy, tell me why,”
The tears start welling in my eyes
“You’re just sick, you’ll soon be well”
another brazen lie I tell.

Is this a test and do I fail?
because I groan and gripe and wail?
If it is, will she be healed?
Your intentions soon revealed?

Or will this nightmare carry on,
night forever, never dawn?
Please answer me, if you are there
Lord, master of the golden stair.

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